I think that people (myself included) impose too many artificial rules on themselves. But one of the most important things to realize in life is that, really, there are no rules.
Often, the reason we do X is because everyone else is doing X. And since everyone else is doing X, we take it that it must be some sort of “rule” to do X. We don’t even evaluate the possibility of doing something else, because, well, no one else is doing it.
And imagine that you do instead try to do something else. By doing something different to everyone else, aren’t you implicitly making the claim: “I think you’re all wrong, so I’m going to instead do this other thing.”
That’s a pretty strong claim to make. It’s a claim that takes balls to make, because if the decision you take ends up being a bad one, then you can’t even seek refuge with the crowd – you’re isolated, vulnerable, and labelled an “idiot”.
There are ways to make these decisions easier, though. Tim Ferriss has a fear setting exercise that I have found useful. Tynan’s post on analyzing risk is also very good.
Ultimately, though, you have two choices:
- You can make the decision you want to make.
- You can make the decision most people around you are making.
Most of the time, I think, 1 and 2 are going to overlap. For example, most people brush their teeth twice a day and shower daily. These are decisions that I too make. Same with wearing a jacket when it is cold outside.
But where it gets interesting is when you look at other, more important decisions that we all have to make. For example, do I want to get a job or do I want to work on an entrepreneurial venture right out of college? Do I want to drink in social settings or do I not want to drink in social settings? Do I want to go to university or not go to university?
(aside: these type of decisions are coined as “Category A” tasks in this book, which I highly recommend).
In cases such as these, I think that if most people really critically analyzed the choices that they had in front of them, and took into account their personal goals, there would be a lot more variance between 1 and 2.
However, most people don’t have balls. So, 1 and 2 end up being the same thing most of the time. And as a result, there’s an almost compounding effect to making decisions like these: you start to impose imaginary rules upon yourself just because your whole life you’ve gone with the “flow” and done what everyone else has done.
For me, I have found reaching out to people that I respect and engaging with their content to be very helpful in gaining the courage & autonomy to think for myself. This year, I connected with both Nat and Justin, and they were both super helpful in answering my questions.
Life moves fast. Make the decision that you want to make, not necessarily the one that everyone else around you is making.
And remember: there are no rules.